The NFL version of the perfect storm cannot happen. Miami ruined it by beating Baltimore . Sure it was fun to watch Brian Billick and his Ravens flame out in OT against Miami . But it would have been even better watching a 0-14 Miami team take on a 14-0 Patriots team and have both strings broken at the same time. Unfortunately, it ain't gonna happen. Miami went into Baltimore with a little hope of winning. Although Baltimore had come within seconds of knocking off New England just a few short weeks ago, they've been in disarray for basically seven weeks. Losers of seven in a row coming in, the Ravens make it eight as Matt Stover misses a field goal in overtime that would have won the game. Three plays later, Cleo "makes Lemonade from" Lemon throws a 64 yard touchdown strike to Greg Camarillo and the Dolphins are no longer 0-fers at 1-13. They win 22-16. Ravens drop to 4-10. Ray Lewis dislocates a finger. Cleo Lemon throws for 315 yards. Brian Billick keeps his job. Dogs howl at this odd combination of events, or maybe just because they can.

On the opposite side of the 0-fer coin, New England keeps its zero as in 14-0. They take on the Jets in a rematch of the two teams that film each other and get mad about it. The strange thing about all of that is the Patriots got fined, draft picks removed, and publicly scorned for weeks, while the Jets just got thrown out of the Patriots stadium. Supposedly, neither team now has film on the other, and the outcome is basically the same whether they have film or not. Patriots win 20-10. Brady and the weather both stink, Maroney runs for 114 yards. The Jets fall to 3-11 and all highlight reels of the game are promptly destroyed for no apparent reason other than to put this whole film issue behind us. Years from now people will look back on this era of cheating, steroids, and controversy and wonder why all our congressmen were focused on such chicanery while the price of gasoline stays above three dollars a gallon and a person can work at McDonalds, borrow a million dollars for the home of his dreams while paying a monthly mortgage around the price of a happy meal, borrowing money from a bank whose sole job is getting cheap money from the government, loaning it to people that can't possibly pay it back, and then getting bailed out by the same government that gave them the money to loan us in the first place, which in theory was our money that we gave them in taxes. Luckily though, there are no more cheating tapes.

A Whole lotta Clinchin' goin' on - If Elvis were alive today, I am almost positive he would have created a song by this title and would have performed it before prior to an NFL contest starting or during the halftime of the Super Bowl. The song would have been appropriate for this time period though. Seven of the eight divisions now have champions. This week, the Colts locked up their division after last week locking up a playoff spot. The Chargers lock up their division and Tampa Bay lays claim to a division title as well.

The Colts did it in not so stellar fashion. They beat the Raiders 21-14 by scoring a touchdown and a two point conversion with 4:49 to play, after trailing 14-13. The Colts become the first team ever to win 12 games five seasons in a row. That is a lot of football wins!! They also clinch a first round bye in the playoffs and have very little left to play for this season as they cruise toward the playoffs.

The Buccaneers did it in a more stellar fashion. Tampa Bay takes on quarterback-less and coach-less Atlanta . They show no mercy in a 37-3 victory. The highlight of the game was a kickoff return for a touchdown, making it the first EVER for Tampa Bay . It took 1865 kickoff return tries for them to take it to the house!! That is one scary string. Tampa Bay clinches the division at 9-5. Atlanta drops to 3-11. Garcia plays the entire game, a good sign for a Buccaneers squad that needs him for the playoffs.

The Chargers did it in grandiose stellar fashion. San Diego left no doubt they would be division champions, pounding Detroit so bad you could have had one beer and left the game in the first quarter, confident of victory. They win 51-14. John Kitna throws five interceptions in an awful performance low-lighted by three of the interceptions coming in six offensive plays!! That is worse than putting the band kid in as quarterback. San Diego moves to 9-5 and controls the third seed in the AFC. Detroit , after being 6-2, is eliminated from playoff contention at 6-8. Can you say season meltdown? For the Chargers, Antonio Cromarte comes up with his 10 th interception of the year, setting a new Chargers season record. This on top of the fact he wasn't even a starter at the beginning of the season!!

And what about those wildcards? The Giants, Minnesota , Jacksonville , and Cleveland all sat atop the wild card heap coming into the weekend. The Giants took on a Washington Redskin team that is almost always a good contest. Washington pulls off the upset 22-10. The Giants lose Jeremy Shockey for the year with a broken leg. They smell worse than someone with foot fungus wearing the same socks for three weeks straight, and drop to 9-5. They still lead the NFC wild card at that mark. Washington , with the victory, pulls to 7-7 and sit just outside the wild card picture looking in.

They sit behind who? Minnesota , that's who. Minnesota took on Chicago and win ugly 20-13. They commit four turnovers, three of them interceptions by Tavaris Jackson, but score enough to knock the Bears from playoff contention while keeping their own hopes alive. They are in the last wildcard spot in the NFC at 8-6. Bears fall to 5-9. The Bears held Adrian Peterson in check most of the day, but when it counted, he scored the go-ahead TD on an eight yard run, keeping the Vikings on the inside track, chased by New Orleans and Washington .

What about that AFC race? Jacksonville continues to impress, knocking off Pittsburgh at Heinz field 29-22. They pick up a huge win on the road, and Pittsburgh falls into a tie with Cleveland for the final division spot left in the NFL. Pittsburgh holds the advantage in case of a tie after knocking Cleveland off twice this year. The Steelers, to their credit, tied up the game 22-22 with a touchdown and five minutes left on the clock. Jacksonville was not to be denied however and came right back, capping a 73 yard, eight play drive with the final score of the contest. Jacksonville moves to 10-4 on the season and is virtually a lock for the playoffs. Pittsburgh drops to 9-5.

Speaking of the Browns. They take on the Buffalo Bills at home in a huge snowstorm and the scoring reflects the weather. The Browns win 8-0. Buffalo gives up a safety. Phil Dawson kicks two field goals, including a stanchion hitting 49 yarder in wicked conditions. Just a few weeks ago, Dawson was the same guy that hit the stanchion and had it bounce backwards on a controversial field goal against the Ravens. He should definitely be knick-named 'Stanchion Man". Browns hold onto the final wild card spot at 9-5 and are tied with Pittsburgh for the Division. One more win and they wrap up the final spot. They are chased by Tennessee , a team needing some help.

The Bye's have it. The first round byes are all locked up. The Patriots, the Colts, the Packers, and the Cowboys all have attained the "Get out of the first round free" card, ending all speculation for the rest of the teams and making it impossible for sports reporters everywhere to "examine the possibilities". Hooray and Bummer.

Is Jessica Simpson a jinx? Jessica Simpson was shown multiple times during the Dallas loss to Philadelphia . I don't know if she was a jinx or not, but Romo has one of his worst performances of the year. If Jessica were my girlfriend, and I had a ship, I would be reluctant to take her on it, bikini or not. Phili has played their hearts out the last few weeks with nothing to show for it, but they finally break through against Tony Romo and the Cowboys. Romo puts up three interceptions and gets no help from the rushing game. Meanwhile Witten has a tremendous game for the Cowboys accounting for 113 of their total 214 passing yards. McNabb returns and shows just enough moxy to finish off the Cowboys 10-6. In a classy and smart move, not two terms normally used on NFL players, Westbrook downs the ball on the one yard line instead of running into the end zone, thus allowing Philadelphia to kill the clock with the knee. Had he run in, sure it counts for seven and pads his stats, but the Cowboys would have gotten the ball back with a chance. By downing the ball, the Cowboys have no chance, and the Eagles win. Great, heads up self-less play, and it was fun to watch.

Outside looking in, but at least having a good view. Tennessee kept its playoff hopes alive by keeping pace with the Cleveland Browns. They sit one game back in the wild card hunt after a 26-17 win over Kansas City . Vince Young throws for two TD's in the win. It was the first win for Tennessee ever in Kansas City . Seems like no matter how bad Kansas City is, they still play tough at home. Arrowhead Stadium has a reputation in the league as being a place that is hard to go into and come back out with a win. Tennessee moves to 8-6, Kansas City falls to 4-10.

Outside and needing a box to stand on. Carolina hangs on to its playoff hopes with a 13-10 win over Seattle . Seattle blows any chance it had at a first round bye with the loss. They sit at 9-5, while Carolina , at 6-8, are the only 6-8 team left with any shot at making the playoffs. They will need a lot of help, probably most of it from some divine power, to squeak in. If I am a Carolina fan, I am not betting the farm on a wild card spot. Come to think of it, I wouldn't even bet a dollar.

More hope than Carolina . New Orleans knocks Arizona out of contention with a 31-24 victory. Drew Brees passes for 315 yards, two scores, and a partridge in a pear tree, saving the Saints Christmas for another week. Kurt Warner throws for three TD's in the loss. Nobody scores in the last nine minutes of the contest. If you needed to chew your nails because they were too long for Monday morning, this was not the game to watch.

The Saints march into week 16 at 7-7. Arizona is eliminated at 6-8.

So who is the genius, Kubiak or Shanahan? Gary Kubiak has been the offensive coordinator for Shanahan since dirt was clean. Now as a head coach, the takes his old boss to the house with a 31-13 win. Shanahan and the Denver Broncos haven't been the same since Kubiak left, registering back to back poor seasons. Houston is now 7-7 and matches its best win total ever, and Denver falls to 6-8.

Is San Francisco versus Cincinnati a pro game? In a match up reminiscent to throwing two accountants into the octagon for a no-holds barred karate match, the 49ers win 20-13. Both teams' records are too awful to mention.

Saving the best for last? Green Bay beats St. Louis 33-14. By winning, they tie the Dallas Cowboys for best record in the NFC. Although the Cowboys hold the tiebreaker, one slipup by them and they may play the NFC championship game on (drum roll) the Frozen tundra of Lambeau Field, something they do NOT want to happen. Green Bay is 12-2. St. Louis ? 3-11. The reason this is the best game of the week, in case you've been asleep under a rock somewhere, is that Brett Favre set the all-time passing yardage mark by eclipsing a man who rhymes with Gran Turino, yes that is correct Dan Marino, throwing for 61,405 yards in his career and counting. Between the string of games he's played in and throwing for that many yards, its pretty easy to assume Brett Favre is the best quarterback ever. It has been quite a pleasure watching him over the years, as it was watching Marino as well. Congratulations Brett. You are one class individual and pretty good at football too!!

And so ends another week in the NFL. If you are a dog Playoffs are just a butt sniff around the corner. More games continue to get played without ever being seen by human beings as the NFL Network broadcasts somewhere over the rainbow, but not on cable.