On a cold January morning I trotted up to the park to meet a potential new running partner. The wind ripped through my jacket and my ears stung. The sky was pitch black; the streets empty.

But I was motivated.

As a New Year's resolution, I had posted a classified ad on a local runner's Web site. My quest was to find the perfect running partner.

I got several responses, but I felt like Goldilocks: one potential running partner was too fast, another potential running partner was too slow. But this one was just right. Let's call her "Jane."

When I got there I stretched and tried to keep warm. She arrived shortly afterward and we chatted. In the following weeks we got to know each other somewhat, but there was something missing.

We did not agree on a lot of things: After about a month, I asked her to enter a race with me in the spring, but she promptly said "maybe" and eventually "no." I hinted that we could join or start a larger running group, but she hesitated. What about a class? It was a waste of money.

Jane really just wanted a workout twice a week.

Oh, I understood. I put my needs aside.

But I wanted more than that. A running partner that would care about running as I did-and act as a motivating force in my life. Most important, I was looking for someone to have fun with, to make the best of those cold, dark early mornings in January when getting out of bed felt like entering a world of doom. Jane was a perfectly nice woman (albeit a little humorless), but we were just not friends. Nor would we be. She started to cancel more and more. So I did, too. I looked forward to the cancellation process. My toasty bed was much more appealing anyway.

I wasn't ready to admit that we just weren't a good fit; that we should move on and find someone else. Maybe I felt that if it were not for her I wouldn't be running at all. I was in denial.

One Tuesday she did not show up at all. I swiftly broke off the relationship, giving some excuse that I needed to turn my attention to other interests right now. I wanted out of the relationship, but did not have the guts to do it, until then. It wasn't particularly nice of me.

In fact, I used her one misstep as an excuse to cut her loose. Jane and I were not meant to be running mates. I needed more structure; she less. And we did not connect, so we did not have fun together.

There is no surefire way to find the right running partner.

But there is something to be said for following your gut. If it's not working, get out. Sometimes women work so hard at relationships, even when it's doomed.

Perhaps I should have just run alone, until I found the right running partner.

My New Year's resolution went unfulfilled. The relationship had failed.

Perhaps I should not have conceived of the idea as a task or resolution. It could have been a relationship that grew organically, through a friend of a friend, or someone I bumped into or struck up a conversation with. And there was that woman I often saw in the park who invited me into her running group. Why did I overlook her?

Tips for Finding the One:

If you use a classified advertisement, get a sense of what he or she is like before you commit. Know yourself and know what you want out of the relationship. Then figure out whether that person will want the same things that you want.

What are you like? What do you want your partner to be like?

How motivated are you? How motivated does she seem?

When are you most comfortable running?

What's your running style?

Do you want to do races occasionally? Often? Not at all?

• What do you want out of the experience? (Fitness, competitor, motivator, running pal).
• Don't rush into any commitments. Spend time with someone. If a running partner isn't quite working for you, don't think she or he is the only one out there. Be patient!
• Join a class or running group, where you get the opportunity to get to know several people.
• Run alone. Find ways that personally motivate you:
  • Sign up for a race a few months away. Having a goal will keep you motivated.
  • Start a running journal. List the routes you take. The people you meet. How you feel before and afterward. Articulate why you run; your goals; what foods help your energy level; what techniques work; the distances you run.
• Buy some cool gear. Solid running clothing feels good and makes you feel good about yourself.
• Remind friends what you're doing. None of my friends were up for an early morning run at the time, but sometimes they change their minds or friends know people they can vouch for.
• Post a running schedule on your calendar. Try to run at the same time each day, preferably the morning, so that you'll definitely fit it in. Write down that week's goals.

And whether you run alone or with someone else: Always follow your heart.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
At DivineCaroline.com real voices rule. Women can write stories about anything that matters to them. It's all free, so please come and explore, read, write or make connections. See you soon at DivineCaroline.com.

© Real Girls Me dia Network, Inc. All rights reserved