Thinking… the lost art

by Steven Johnson

When I think about some professional athletes, what really pisses me off is the seemingly perpetual imbalance of nature. On the one hand you have God’s gift of size, speed, strength, agility, athletic ability and great luck. On the other, you’re as dumb as a door knob.

What brought me here are my thoughts about a particular group of NFL players, Terrell Owens and those yachtsmen from the Minnesota Vikings.

First, that brain-trust, the Vikings.

Why would you rent a couple of yachts to do your dirt? Aren’t all those guys mega rich? Even the guys that aren’t stars are mega rich. You would think one, if not a few, of the thirty or so players involved would own a yacht by now. Where does all the money go? Okay, I’ll back off, a yacht would be a big-ticket item to splurge for at one time. And what can you expect from guys that probably, more than likely come from humble beginnings. But here’s where the lack of thinking (dumbness) shows its ugly head. From what I understand, a great majority of the parties (for lack of a better word) involved are brothas, you know, African Americans. Brothas with money know how women in the pleasure business get down behind closed doors. You mean to tell me out of the whole bunch, not one person recommended they take that kind of party to the privacy of one of the castles those professional athletes dwell in. But, as lack of brains would have it, all those guys went on the boats knowing that people naïve to this type of merriment were going to be on board. What women in the pleasure business do for the greenbacks is restrained by nothing. These guys knew that and went through with it anyway. If this thing had happened at a player’s house we all would be still imagining what those super rich dudes do in their free time. But no, let’s let the world in on our little secret. How dumb can you be? Now, all the players are asking “What the big deal.” What did they expect? Money plus lack of thought is a dangerous thing.

Oh, T.O.

Let me be on record as saying I think Terrell Owens is the epitome of a dumb jock. Terrell wants to cry that no one understands him. He screams and cries as he compares himself to Brett Favre and Chad Johnson. Of Bengal ’s wide receiver Chad Johnson Terrell muses, “With all the celebrations that he's done, they're like congratulating him for it. But if it was me, they'd be like, 'Oh, we don't need this in football, this is not good for football.' Not that Chad is doing something wrong, it's not his fault, but you kind of wonder, do they have it out for me?" Terrell is even more lost when putting his and Favre’s names in the same sentence. “If Brett Favre had done it [come back early from injury], you would've said he was a hero, would've given him an 'iron man' award or something like that. But me? For whatever reason, I was selfish. And for the life of me, I just don't understand." Well, T.O., let Steve (me) help you understand. See, Terrell, you and your partner in aloofness, Randy Moss, share the same problem. You guys set the tone for the type of media coverage you receive. Randy Moss did it to himself during his visit for the Heisman presentation. Some of you may remember that Randy the Great showed up for the presentation wearing sunglasses and corn rolls. And he wore the sunglasses the whole time he was there. Moreover, he didn’t even clap for the winner, just sat there like he was Little Richard or something. Now I ask you Randy, what type of press do you think you deserve after that stunt. And that is the same type of press you receive today. Slanted to fit the type of guy you let them believe you are. But, Randy, don’t fret, as Michael Jackson told us, “You are not alone.” T.O. to the rescue. Terrell has to know, or maybe he doesn’t (dumb), that the crap he pulled in San Francisco, his public comments about certain players (namely, Jeff Garcia), the stunt in Dallas’ Stadium, the Sharpies, etc., would open the door for the type of press you get today. Come on, of course you won’t be perceived like a Favre or Johnson, even for the same actions. Wake up dummy. And while you’re at it, give Randy a call too.

The long arm of dumbness

While today’s players are today’s news, this dumb jock thing has been going on for quite some time. I think back to all those players who fail their drug tests within a couple of months before they’re drafted.

A player that immediately comes to mind is Warren Sapp (isn’t it apropos that he and Moss now play together in Oakland). Sapp failed his drug test a month before the ’95 draft. Here’s where Sapp’s dumbness showed that year. You’ve dominated college ball at a top university. You know you’re going to get drafted. You know, because you’ve played with and still talk with guys that have already gone though what you’re about to go through. But, you still smoke weed before draft day. How can you be so dumb? Sapp, and every other player that lost draft position and millions of dollars because of a failed drug test, deserves the treatment they receive. Like coaches and general managers from San Francisco to Miami have said in the past and will certainly say in the future, it’s not the fact that you smoked weed. Hey, a few coaches, general managers, and even an owner or two have taken more than their share of puffs. The problem lies in the fact that you were too dumb to refrain knowing the day that is going to change your life as you know it is around the corner.

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