February 9, 2004

Here I am last Saturday, sitting at my local bar, The Dog Tooth Lounge, in a little place called Slattsbury, Canada, and all the talk is about the Super Bowl. The place holds 52 people, given the allotted 13 square feet per customer - (I still don't know if that's laying down or standing up), and the talk at the Liar's Table, where I always sit, turns to Super Bowl parties.

Well, there was going to be one at The Dog Tooth for sure. "So where's the decorations?" says Lloyd, one of the guys who has no teeth. Bella, the owner, says, "I tried. Honest I did! There's nothing to be had in the stores anywhere. No banners, no beer mugs, no nothin."

Then Bim, short for Bimbo - there's 3 guys all called Bimbo within a 5 mile radius here -(two have teeth) says that one of the guys he works with at the warehouse rented a big-screen TV and he was having a Super Bowl Garage Party and he couldn't find anything either that says Panthers or Patriots.

Then Rosie (she's had eleven heart attacks and swears it's the beer that lets her keep on tickin) says she knows a 'girl' who's having a party (has one every year) and she even managed to get a keg of draft from the brewery, but she couldn't find any pendants or posters for nothin either.

Well, Sunday finally rolled around and Bessie Mae, being a typical
female genius, didn't let any of that deter her. She went on the Internet and found some pictures - she wasn't allowed to download the Real McCoy. She printed them out on some paper - two to a sheet, cut the sheet in two, and taped each one to a straw. Well, they had a hell of a good time with those. It never once bothered them that the picture of the panther looked a lot like Fred's alley cat (Fred doesn't have any teeth either) and the Patriot hat was really a Trojan warrior's.

Bim had brought his little turquoise-blue rifle that he bought at the
Dollar Store. During half time they all took turns using it to shoot Dollar Store saltshakers off the end of the Liar's Table. They were so busy at that, they missed The Nipple News altogether.

And that my friend was Super Bowl Sunday in Slattsbury.

Maggie

[Top] [Print this Page]