Take Me Out to the Ball Game
by Ivette Ricco, President of Femmefan.com

You say you've never seen a football game in person? Have you wondered what you've been missing?

So, join me for a day of football fun. When it's good it's very, very good, but when it's bad, it's stinking awful.

The first year my husband and I purchased season tickets for the Forty Niners, we were a couple of rookies. Little did we know that an entire "subculture" exists comprised of tailgate professionals. There is a sense of family among them and the veterans have a ritual and a game day attitude that must be embraced in order to truly appreciate and understand the game experience.

The tailgate party is the first order of business. It defines Americana and is the football fan's initiation into fanaticism. The first rule of tailgating is preparation. It's smart to create a list and get all your gear and food ready the night before. Food is the numero uno item, followed closely by alcohol. Contingency plans must be in place to deal with the weather, which depending on the location can be cold, rainy, hot, windy, snowy, foggy, or a combination thereof. In the SF Bay Area, you don't need to prepare for snow, but wind, rain, fog and cold are definitely part of the area's weather pattern.
If you're lucky enough to hook up with "pro" tailgaters, then you can show up with just your chairs, food, drinks and a smile. The pros have this tailgating thing down to a fine art. Over the years they've managed to accumulate every tailgate gadget known to man. They have it all, tables, chairs, cups, utensils, condiments, openers, garbage bags, corkscrews, candle holders (yes really), candles, wine glasses, tablecloths, generator, blender, bbq pit, grills, turkey fryers, TV, Direct TV dish or antenna, remote control, sunscreen, rain gear, tarps, canopy, photos, memorabilia, flags, foam fingers, cameras, music, holiday specific decorations and of course matches. In other words you take every thing you have in your house, with the exception of the kitchen sink, and lug it to the stadium.

First though you need to get to the park, which means rising at dawn and getting on the road 6-7 hours before kick-off. If you leave 2 hours before the game you will miss all the pre-game festivities (clearly you're a rookie).Getting home after the game is even more of a challenge as 70,000 people jump in their cars and try to leave through two narrow access roads. Jockeying for position to exit the lot isn't what one would call a friendly-fan experience.

But back to the party. The day is getting started, the TV is going, the table and chairs are set up, the air is filled with the scent of fat-filled food delicacies.The Bloody Marys, wine, Ramos Fizzes, champagne, beer, Mimosas and Margaritas are flowing freely. It's the best outdoor café with pavement ambience this side of Manhattan.

To fully appreciate the tailgate experience I recommend a stroll through the parking lot. You will enjoy the camaraderie and it is by far the easiest way to get free drinks and food. If you are there to root for the "other" team, however, you are likely to be on the outside looking in and eating sandwiches out of a bag, and drinking warm beer.

Now it's game time! The air is filled with excitement and the parking lot is filled with empty bottles and trash. Not to mention a few inebriated fans that have lost their way.

If you have to scalp a pair of tickets in the parking lot from an unkempt weirdo, you are already in trouble.The face value of the ticket is $58, you want to pay $20, but it's almost game time and you take the bait, ok, you pay $30. Finding your seat is the next challenge; up you go, looking, looking, and rising up towards the rafters of the stadium. Once you arrive in the nosebleed section, with your lungs burning and your ears buzzing you have to squeeze by 20 people to reach your seat, which is smack dab in the middle of the row. The fact that you're balancing a hot dog, and a beer, adds to the challenge. It is the first time you fully appreciate those ballet lessons you had when you were five years old.
Ahhh, you finally sit down, only to discover that your space is being encroached upon by a 300-pound behemoth with a strange odor and wearing the opposing teams' colors.
(Perhaps the reason for the $30 ticket price?).

So after eating enough sausage, burgers, chips, dips, brownies, cookies, beer, wine and Mimosas to last you at minimum, a week, you're ready to watch some football!
Never mind that you're up in the rafters, unable to move for fear of upsetting the 300 pound behemoth beside you, and that your bladder is about to burst, you're here to enjoy the game experience, damn it.

The first thing you have to get used to is "stadium" etiquette. If you jump up and down in front of your TV at home every time there's a play, and yell at the screen at the top of your lungs, then you best be ready to temper that enthusiasm.

Here, you get up when the people in front of you get up, you sit down when they sit down, you don't ever, ever, obstruct the view of the game, and you don't yell and scream unless it's appropriate, (you learn when that is after a while - since people give you the "look").

And, there is no John Madden diagramming the play, or explaining the ref's call, or filling time during the commercials by dissecting a TurDuckEn.

If you've held "it", for two quarters, then you better head for the restrooms at least 5 minutes before the half, because "everyone" will be going at half time.

So now you've lived through a typical day of football fanaticism, and you might be thinking, I paid $30 (or a lot more) bucks for this?

But, if you get another chance to experience the game, live and in color, with all its inconveniences and nuisances, you won't hesitate, because it is simply the most thrilling experience a fan can have.

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