3 RD AND LONG WEEK 4

By AARON KEEL

Another week has past and you know what that means? That’s right, the moment you’ve all been waiting for, the 3 rd and Long weekly awards! This week saw a little bit of everything, from some incredible tank jobs (yes you Cincy) to some incredible finishes (Ravens and Redskins) and of course the obligatory random act of violence (Titans DT Albert Haynesworth kicking Cowboys C Andre Gurode not once but twice). But I know what you really want so without further ado, here are this week’s award winners.

Tag and Bag ‘Em Award (Best Hit) – Kevin Kaesviharn

In what was otherwise an ugly game for the Bengals may have provided the only highlight. With the Patriots ahead and driving in the 3 rd quarter, to increase that lead Tom Brady threw a laser pass to WR Reche Caldwell. Unfortunately for Caldwell, Bengals S Kaesviharn was looking to drop the boom and did just that on the unknowing receiver. Unconfirmed reports out of the stadium said that the hit was so hard all electronic devices stopped working momentarily. Even though Kaesviharn went sideways to deliver the hit, replays show that his shoulder pad may have gone into Caldwell’s helmet almost certainly guaranteeing a fine in the near future. But that’s a small price to pay for the fear opposing receivers will have knowing Kevin is back there ready to dish out the punishment.

Eunuch Award (Coach with No Balls) – Marvin Lewis

Let me preface this by saying that Lewis is one of my favorite coaches and I wish him all the best in the world. But he’s not going to go very far if he keeps making pansy decisions like he did on Sunday against the Pats. Down 8 points in the later half of the 3 rd quarter, the Bengals faced a 4 th and a little less then 2 on the Pats 43. The crowd wanted Lewis to go for it, the players wanted Lewis to go for it, common sense wanted Lewis to go for it, so of course Lewis decided to punt and killed any chance his team had of winning. The Pats, smelling blood in the water proceeded to score 17 unanswered points on a Bengals team that seemed to give up turning a close game in a 38-13 laugher. Marvin buddy, a word of advice from me to you; when you have one of the league’s most powerful offenses you can gamble more than teams that don’t.

Where’s Waldo Award (Best Disappearing Act) – Jacksonville Jaguars Defense

What the hell happened to these guys? Coming off a tough loss in Indy where the Jags D managed to hold Manning and the Colts to a hard fought 14 points, I thought they would have no problem holding down a struggling Redskins offense led by the geriatric Mark Brunell. Instead the Jags D decided to channel their inner Houston Texans and give up 481 total yards and 36 points to the Skins. Brunell looked like a Manning carving the Jags up for 329 yards, his first 300-yard game since week 6 of last season, and 3 touchdowns. In an AFC that is so close the now 2-2 Jags have little room for error and need to get their act together at home next week against the suddenly tough N.Y. Jets and a good place to start is the D.

Hot Air Balloon (Overblown Story) – T.O. “Suicide”

I blame ESPN for the public’s straight out obsession with athletes. They are like the dealer and we are all the users always wanting more, more. The misreported Terrell Owens “attempt” was just another one of these occurrences where I feel ESPN forgoes honest journalism for ratings. I know the E in ESPN stands for entertainment but if that’s what they’re going for then I refuse to think of them as an honest “news” source for sports. All day long ESPN cancelled every program until T.O. and his publicist finally spoke at a conference dispelling any notions T.O.’s hospital trip was anything but an accidental overdose. They had everyone and their mother’s brother trying to tell us what was going on inside T.O.’s brain as if they were medical professionals. The only person who said anything that made sense was the Miami Herald’s Dan Lebatard who basically said he didn’t care what all the analysts had to say, he just wanted to hear what T.O. had to say. I say kudos to you Dan for showing some calm in a moment of chaos.

Just What the Doctor Ordered Award (Cure For the Underperforming Player) – S.F. 49ers

Through the first 2 weeks of the season Chiefs fans and anyone who drafted Larry Johnson with the first or second pick of their fantasy draft were thinking the same thing. What the hell happened to Larry Johnson? The Larry Johnson who was supposed to challenge for 2,000 rushing yards this season and score something like 50 touchdowns? Coming into the game against the 49ers Johnson was averaging less then 100 yards and had failed to find the endzone. But as most teams these days can tell you the 49ers have a way of giving your stats a big boost and Sunday was no exception as Johnson gained 101 yards and found the promised land twice. That loud sigh you heard Sunday was a collective one from Chief fans and Johnson fantasy owners. And hey look who comes to S.F. this week. It’s the Raiders and underperforming WR Randy Moss. Fantasy owners rejoice!

Random Observations

Fumblitis Maximus- What is it with QBs Kurt Warner and Carson Palmer and the butterfingers this year? They have combined this season for 17 fumbles, 7 lost. Warner has always had a fumbling problem but this is something new for Palmer who through 4 games this year has as many fumbles as he had all last season. I suggest bringing back stick’um for both of these guys before this problem becomes career threatening.

Rocket Man- Did you see that bullet by Rex Grossman to Bernard Berrian for a 40-yard touchdown late in the Bears/Seahawks game? Not only did it have the velocity but also it was perfectly placed, hitting Berrian in stride over 2 Seattle defenders. This kid is something else, I tell you. He’s playing with a confidence Chicago hasn’t seen in a QB since the headband days.

Adult Actor? - Doesn’t Rock Cartwright sound more like a porn name then a football player? I can just see it now, Debbie Does Dallas #198 starring Rock Cartwright. Every time I see him on TV and hear the announcers say his name I pause. But he’s having a very good season, having already returned one kickoff for a touchdown and giving the Redskins a legitimate threat on special teams not named Randle-El.

Top 5 Power Teams

• COLTS (4-0) Last Week (1) – This team just refuses to lose. This time it was the pesky Jets that gave the Colts a fight to the death. But once again Peyton Manning showed that he’s the best QB in the league by leading his team to a 31-28 victory, in the end scoring a rushing touchdown for the second week in a row. The good news for Colts fans, the running game appears to be getting on track a bit with 160 yards on the ground and 3 touchdowns. Now perhaps Indy can take a small breather as the Titans come to town next week. Next Week - Sunday Home Against the Titans
• CHICAGO (4-0) Last Week (5) – Wow. That’s the first word that comes to mind when talking about Da Bears. With their demolition job Sunday against the Seahawks, Chicago has clearly staked their claim that not only are they the toast of the NFC but a legitimate Super Bowl contender. They finally have the offense to go with that smothering defense bringing back memories of those ’85 Bears. Wow. Next Week – Sunday Home Against the Bills
• BALTIMORE (4-0) Last Week (3) – He may be old. He may not have the mobility or the cannon arm like he used too. But one thing Steve McNair will always be is a winner and so far his winning ways have rubbed off on his Raven teammates. Down 13-9 to the Chargers with 3:05 left and no timeouts McNair led the Ravens down the field capping off the drive with the go-ahead touchdown to Todd Heap for the 16-13 win and the first 4-0 start in franchise history. Couple that with a Bengals loss and the Ravens are sitting atop the AFC North looking pretty. A victory next Monday against the Broncos will cement them as a team to beat in the league. Next Week - Monday Night @ Denver
• ATLANTA (3-1) Last Week (NR) – I know some of you out there will argue with this selection, saying I should take the Saints over the Falcons since they beat them last week. Normally I would agree with you but I don’t count last Monday night in the rankings- that game was the Saints Super Bowl and they played like it. Talk to me when they have to play in Atlanta without the crowd behind them. The thing about the Falcons is that they are just skimming the tip of the iceberg as far as how good they can be. With that defense if that red zone offense ever finds its stride, it won’t be good for the rest of the NFC. Next Week – BYE
• CAROLINA (2-2) LAST WEEK (NR) – What a difference Steve Smith makes for that team. After starting 0-2 the Panthers look like they are hitting their stride coming off a victory against the Saints. Carolina is starting to show why many picked them as the Super Bowl favorites coming into the season. As long as Smith stays healthy, this team as an excellent chance to be there in the end. Next Week – Sunday Home Against the Browns

 GAME OF THE WEEK – DALLAS @ PHILADELPHIA

T.O., McNabb, Reid, Philly, Dallas. Enough Said.

WEEKLY PICKS

(AS ALWAYS WINNERS IN BOLD)

BUFFALO @ CHICAGO

CLEVELAND @ CAROLINA

DETROIT @ MINNESOTA

MIAMI @ NEW ENGLAND

ST. LOUIS @ GREEN BAY

TAMPA BAY @ NEW ORLEANS

TENNESSEE @ INDIANAPOLIS

WASHINGTON @ N.Y. GIANTS

KANSAS CITY @ ARIZONA

N.Y. JETS @ JACKSONVILLE

OAKLAND @ SAN FRANCISCO

DALLAS @ PHILADELPHIA

PITTSBURGH @ SAN DIEGO

MONDAY NIGHT

BALTIMORE @ DENVER
 LAST WEEK

8-6

I started out so nicely going 6-2 in the morning games and then managed to lose all 4 afternoon games. My fantasy teams also took a hit as I went 2-2 with my 4 teams bringing my overall fantasy record to 12-3-1. Ouch!

Enjoy week 5 and we’ll see you here again next week for another 3 RD and Long.

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