The Girlie Men are Running NASCAR

By Valerie Wood

October 5, 2004

You knew it was coming. They've been rumbling, stumbling and bumbling their way through the sport, cutting a swath of ineptitude, fuzzy vision and inane management strategies for the past few years in a manner which makes the Simple Life gals look like bonfire rocket scientists. Look!! It's Paris Hilton and Nicole Ritchie - coming to a NASCAR management office near you! And, Tinkerbell, too!

It was only a matter of time before NASCAR's head honchos crossed the line from sublime to ridiculous. As usual, they did it with klutzy, clueless aplomb.

Fining a driver, in a post-race celebration, for use of a "profanity." Okay NASCAR - if you're going to police everyone's freedom of speech, you need to do it right. That means, on NASCAR's approved and sanctioned programs on Speedchannel, where the likes of Jeff Hammond and Darrell Waltrip host drivers like Rusty Wallace or Jimmy Spencer "talking racing"….well, if a driver lets out an occasional "hell" or "damn" - then fine them, also! If you're going to fine a driver for an off the track slip of the tongue in a celebratory interview, then you need to be monitoring and reviewing every broadcast that mentions NASCAR racing and every time someone slips-dock them points and fine them. That'll show 'em, NASCAR! Show us your reactionary, anal retentive best! After all, you set a precedent for doing this earlier in the season, when angry drivers were venting steam in radio interviews - then dang it, fine everyone!

Frankly, it never has made sense to dock a driver championship points for actions off the track. If NASCAR was truly afraid of an FCC fine, as they are trying to maintain, the answer would be simple. Any fines levied by the FCC could, would, and should be paid by the offending person. Now, how difficult is that?

If, however, you are not going to universally apply your moronic and meandering rules across the board, then why would you penalize a driver in your much publicized, vaunted "Chase for the Cup"? What's really behind this? NASCAR's credibility has so eroded that it wouldn't take a stretch of the imagination to theorize that NASCAR is working to manipulate the outcome of the Championship.

That's what the true fans are fearing. To paraphrase the little kid who went up to Shoeless Joe (after another purported famous sports fix), Say it ain't so, NASCAR!

Whoever thought we'd yearn for the days of Bill France, Jr?

Wouldn't it be great if Donald Trump took over running NASCAR? I'll bet the first thing he would say to Mike Helton and Brian France would be very simple.

You're Fired.

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